Dating... fuck. Forty fours years old and here I am trying to interview my way into the heart of a woman who has seen so much bullshit that she cuts the cord when the scent of damaged goods is suspected. I joined the ranks of the loveless that strain to build a desirable persona out of words and carefully crafted selfies. Listen...I am a sort of a realist. I have in my lifetime dated somewhat out of my league...pretty and fit are descriptions of all the women I have had long term relationships with... my mother would call it God's favor but that's another topic...so you teleport past the early birds and past the dead rotting corpse of my marriage and here you find me scrolling through endless pictures and bios. Since I kind of hate the self-congratulatory article that guides you through the wacky world of online dating I am going to just expose what is on my mind.
Here is the frustrating thing. I am not hideous but being a lil lumpy I am not the American dream either...like I said earlier I dated and married out of my league in the looks category. The women on the sites are either super fit or tragically plain. Yes... I am exaggerating a little bit but you know what I am talking about...ahem... I do wonder if I should just give it a shot and send a pathetic romantic open heart email to a LA goddess. I can't help but imagine there are some guys with unrealistic views of themselves scratching their brow at the fact that NONE of the these chicks are writing back and how could they resist the pic of my Harley and boat? I don't have a boat or a motorbike so all I got is my face, charm, man boobs and some sweet baggage. I am sure there are a ton of dudes with abs and money so I figure my chances of scoring the hot, "I don't care about physical looks AND can carry a conversation once in a million years chance girl are slim and none. Realist remember...? So now...in the dystopian cyber world of online dating I am left with the task of proving my charm, intelligence and dopeness through...an email. Yay.
And no I am not going to yearn for the good ol' days where we talked face to face and really got to know one another because that wasn't my experience at all. It wasn't happening till I started working at a big busy grocery store on the beach did I become visible to girls. So ...now that I think about it...I'm back to that stage again...invisibility...like...back in high school invisible.
I have gone on a few dates so I guess you can say it works...but the real fun is the search...the ultimate lurk..browsing the endless faces and biographies...every once in a while whip out some creative impulse and send a email that's brimming with confidence and wit...exchange a message or two...maybe even coffee...or...skim profiles till 1 in the morning and never wink, like or write a single message...because how do you lead two lives...? Father to 4 kids and charming sophisticated with a dash of hipster dating guy...because how do those two lives intertwine without screwing up one of the kids? Because there is always a kid getting mentally rearranged by their parental dating screwups...but that's another topic.